Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Hobbyist Narriman SchenfelBrazil Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 361 Deviations 703 Comments 23,333 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Watchers

Groups

I'll be 18 in August. I can't believe it myself. Almost 4 years ago I posted a drawing where I said I was in the middle of a "Peter Pan Complex", I said I didn't want to grow up. And I still being like that. When I was around 9 years old I realized how much I hated adults. It was a really hard age for me, the worst time of my life. I still have scars from that time and I'm sure that some things will haunt me for the rest of my life. Can't say if the Peter Pan Complex is one of them, but is certain that I still like that. It bothers me to think I'll soon pass to the side I hate. That side where if you need help they will turn their backs to you and say you already can take care of all your shit. All the bullshit they say to us when we're younger about "you don't have to do this alone, I'm sure you have friends" turns to be a lie.
You may be thinking I'm just a boring teenager. Maybe I am.
But I'm so scared. Scared for being part of the LGBT community in the country that most kill transgenders in the whole world. Scared for being extremely shy in a place where most of people are so talktative. For being in crowds alone. For being not able to order food on a balcony or speak on the phone. Scared to mess up on a job, get fired, humiliated, and I'M SO FREAKING SCARED that I may now be rotten.
I used to draw ALL THE TIME. Since I was 5, I was always with paper and pencil/pens with me. I always would have ideas and get HAPPY drawing.
I'm not like that anymore. And it has been years since I'm not, and it got worst since my best friend is gone. I thought it was just a bad time, that I would draw again like I used to. But I'm having a really hard time now, having to study almost everything again and being so bored doing this... I'm almost not being able to like what I do anymore, or have ideas, nothing. I grew up grabbing on my drawings, believing that they would save me in the future, that I would be able to work with something I loved. It was all that I had. And now I feel I have nothing more left. I'm trying so hard to get on the lines again, but I fear I won't get there. I miss being able to hide from the big bad eyes and I specially miss the courage I used to have when I was a kid. And I regret so bad the times when I thought I'd be okay, that it wouldn't work if I was out of ideas. I really should have pushed me more, but I ended up passing days and days without drawing a single line. And now I can't help but comparing me to other artists of the same age, and thinking that if I hadn't stop maybe I was there too.
I feel that I lost a precious amount of time, even if they say I'm just starting.
I don't want to feel like this forever, I want it to stop, but I don't know how. 24 hour per day isn't supplying all I wanted to.
I feel I lost the course and I can't find the way again, no matter how hard I try. And now I'll once more be pushed into a sea of responsability and bullshit I'm not ready, and fearing even more to end up empty like the crowd of adults I see everyday. And having the feeling that it will just get worse along the years.
  • Listening to: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Soundtrack

deviantID

MeSadChild's Profile Picture
MeSadChild
Narriman Schenfel
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Brazil
I'm Narriman. I'm 18 years old. And I like these things:

Tomboy stamp by rogue-freighter Harry Potter Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Percy Jackson and the Olympians stamp by Hoke-of-Hock
Evanescence Stamp by Erameline + I Love Harvest Moon Stamp + by dorkywaffle SI - Shea by EllisStampcollection tLoZ Stamp by antnkrlz Confusing Fantasies by CassidyPeterson Proud Nami Fan Stamp by UnderWooder Vaughn Stamp by Nukenai Rune Factory Stamp by StampPKU RF3 - Raven by EllisStampcollection ToTT - Cam by EllisStampcollection FoMT - Cliff by EllisStampcollection SI - Nathalie by EllisStampcollection SI - Chelsea by EllisStampcollection SI - Mark by EllisStampcollection FoMT - Ann by EllisStampcollection FoMT - Karen by EllisStampcollection GB - Lloyd by EllisStampcollection I love Zelda - Stamp by joiski tLoZ : Link Stamp by PhishRitzy I Love My Nintendo DSi PLZ by Master-Ziggy Pokemon Stamp by HaikuRequiem Brawl: Proud Link User Stamp by WolfTwilight Pit Stamp by yukidarkfan Misty Come Back-Stamp by 1stPokeTrio-Club Misty stamp by SA948-Stamps Ritchie stamp by SA948-Stamps Athena Stamp by iSquirrely Apollo Stamp by iSquirrely Portuguese isnt Spanish by anikasgubim Visual Novels Stamp by Katsu14 Rock Music Stamp by Davidgtza2 I still love PS2 Stamp__ by DarkShelke Lil Naruto needs your love :C by PaniFowl Avatar Stamp by CallistoHime Korra Stamp by daughterofthestars Eu falo portugues stamp by CuteCatLovers Brawl: Proud Lucas User Stamp by WolfTwilight heteroflexible pride stamp by Kikirini Not all blonds are dumb... by Mintaka-TK W.I.T.C.H. - stamp by waterwitchgirl Bases and Dolls are art too by GriffinMyth Bases Stamp by BeyondTherapy Stamp: our characters deserve A CHANCE! by Jeshika-Haruno Layton Remembers Stamp by orian-stamps ':_Cyber friendship_:' by ChikitaWolf I Support Objections Stamp by yuliya Gone Series Stamp by Dapper-Rabbit Ravenclaw-Stamp by Dinoclaws Disgusting Fantasies by CassidyPeterson Male OC [STAMP] by lonewined Pro-Abortion by Haters-Gonna-Hate-Me Stop having kids... by BlackJill Sketchy Stamp by Estecka 151 Pokemon Stamp by zafara1222 Hunger Games Stamp by JtDaniel District 3 Stamp by ChemicalIceTea Stamp: Women going shirtless by Riza-Izumi Gorillaz series - Noodle stamp by Morgwaine Stamp I support women dressing by Riza-Izumi :thumb92397011:
Bible Arguments by StampWhore :Gay Rights: by Minty-Hippo Stamp: The Bible by Riza-Izumi
Tomboy Stamp by Mintaka-TK Wha-hey, More Flamebait by Mintaka-TK It's Not Just Installed Into Kids by endler
Dear bullies... by JiiBee First stamp by zombielover94 Tomboys stamp by Dragonrider1227
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner May 9, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the favorite :)
Reply
:iconnaghree-tales:
naghree-tales Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2015
Thank you so much for the fav on my a bit of shipping Hug 
Reply
:iconrollarius55:
rollarius55 Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thx most kindly for faving, Narriman!!!;-)

In the asylum by rollarius55
Reply
:iconringosuccess:
Ringosuccess Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2015
Happy Birthday.
Reply
:iconmadam--kitty:
Madam--Kitty Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Hi. wanna join my group called Anti-illuminati-01? anti-illuminati-01.deviantart.…

P.S. The group is about politics in case you were wondering.

Reply
:icondonthesitatetohate:
DontHesitateToHate Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014   Digital Artist
thank you for the fav :)
Reply
:iconsuellemartins:
suellemartins Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oi. Obrigada pelo fav! :}
Reply
:iconcl-em:
cl-em Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the +fav Heart bum 

 If you're interested, I have open my commissions =3 cl-em.deviantart.com/journal/C…

Have a nice day  5 seconds hug 
Reply
:iconsunlight-angel:
Sunlight-Angel Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you note
Reply
:iconmaxprodanov:
maxprodanov Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
Thank you for the fav! I'm honored :)
Reply
:iconfujiayami164:
FujiAyami164 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hello!~ :D thanks for the :+fav:!Lovely Shoujo Emoji (Huggy Hug) [V2] 

((*gasp*)) CAM, CLIFF, SHEA, VAUGHN AND MARK!! :heart:
Reply
:icondarkrainey:
DarkRainey Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
LOL, Um brasileiro... faz tempo que nao vejo um aqui ^^
Reply
:iconmesadchild:
MeSadChild Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Não acho muito dificil de ver, na verdade xD
Reply
:iconkamism:
kamism Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014   Digital Artist

Thank you so much for the watch~ it is a big honor for me~ <33 :iconbrohugplz:

(❁´◡`❁)*✲゚*


:icondomofavplz1::icondomofavplz2:
:icondomofavplz3::icondomofavplz4::iconredheart-plz:
:icondomofavplz5::icondomofavplz6:
:iconpinkheart-plz::iconorangeheart-plz::iconyellowheartplz::icongreenheartplz::iconblueheartplz::iconvioletheartplz:


Reply
:iconnaruhinaluvrx:
NaruhinaluvrX Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I've got another request:www.animevice.com/kushina-uzum…
 Scroll down the page to the column labeled "Her Demise" and the first in the column is the one I want....and also if I you can,could you make the body male instead of female,I'd do it myself when I edited the base but I don't know how :iconnarutonekofaceplz:
Reply
Add a Comment: